Gunshots echoed through the valley, I'm in world war one in 1914 not 2018. I hear my enemy trying to shoot me "aaargh!" I scream. He got me. Then I realize that he shot my friend who is not screaming. "Why aren't you screaming?" I say confused
"Why would I be screaming," He said
"Because you got shot"I kind of shouted
"I never knew I was shot." He said confused
"Did you not hear me scream" I answered back
"I thought that you were shot?" he asked
"No I did that so you would know when to pretend to be dead."
"Can we play something else."
"Sure, we should make a wall."
So we did.
This is my Quick Write and I learnt that for every new speaker they need to go on a different line, and they all need speech marks so that what they are saying is clear. Next time I could have added more detail rather then having a whole bunch of speech in a row.
Hi Sarah, It's Miriam here from Wainui Beach School in Gisborne. I loved your Quick Write it was quite funny. I do agree with you about adding more detail to make your writing more clear, but it was a good quick write. I really enjoyed reading it and your writing painted a picture in my mind of a valley with yellow sand and people coming at you ready to shoot. It kinda reminds me of Star Wars. Now I have a question for you: What was the name of your friend and in your quick write were you trying to make people think that you actually in World War one or were you just pretending that you were.
ReplyDeleteOver all I think it was an amazing blog post,
Miriam